


Charmolypi

by gothamXstories



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Addiction, Anxiety, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Drug Abuse, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Eventual Romance, F/M, Friendship/Love, Graphic Depictions of Illness, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Overdosing, Platonic Relationships, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Victor Zsasz, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:54:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26093719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gothamXstories/pseuds/gothamXstories
Summary: when drug addict, theia woods, takes a wrong turn in her decision path and ends up scarred and broken, the world around her seems even worse before when the conclusion of: drugs won't fix everything, starts to become true.
Relationships: Victor Zsasz/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 8





	1. yeoubi

YEOUBI;(n.korean) the sun shining through the rain

°•°•°

_If I could be a different person, I promise you I would._

_I wouldn't call it addiction when that word is so negative to society. Let's call it...an escape.Escape is a nice noun. Whenever this happens, it's always a happy ending..._

_...that of course if this isn't some shitty thriller movie. Then that dumb cheerleader has to run from something greater: death._

_But let's not forget about the possibility of getting away again.Always look on the bright side of things when the noose is around your neck, it'll help when the rope breaks your wind pipe._

_This is how you could describe my relationship with medication (we can call it that because 'drugs' is also a ill-used term). My "strapping down to the chair" was myself, my own doing: I latched the belts myself, you see and anything is possible when it's your fantasy. And what was I being held down for? Because of the chance that I might become adventurous when I hear that loud chainsaw to my right, or the sound of blades sharpening to my left._

_Let's not forget about the demon child on the ceiling and the possessed doll beginning to wobble over to my trembling frame with a kitchen knife (must of been glued to his hand like Tiffany said)._

_My problems, you see. Everyone has those but everyone doesn't see them like I do. Seeing your conflicts and comparing them to scary movie tropes was probably unnecessary seeming they weren't tangible and some certainly couldn't gut you from the inside out._

_And I wasn't ready to face them just yet so I, the great and intelligent Theia Woods, has just wiggled our of her restraints and ran towards the sweet release._

_But let's not dwell too much about my silly obstacles when those will surely pop up later on in the story._

_When I tell you Gotham was the place to be for a drug addict, it was the fucking spot. Dealers on every corner, some looking suspicious leaving you worrying if that coke you just bought was laced with horse tranquilizers, or ones who looked ready to invite you to their place to have a smoke session and vent about life as if you were siblings catching up. Least to say, this city wasn't helping my case but I wasn't quick to move to somewhere more appropriate. I had priorities here...like my job? Yeah, my job was keeping me tied down even if there was other bars to tend in other cities whose crime rate wasn't as high as me on a Friday night._

_I had some... close acquaintances who partake in the hobbies that I like to do: bar hopping, drinking, and most importantly drug taking. They were cool but I'm not going to sit here spilling lies about how we wanted to move in together and commit our lives to making memories with each other. We were friends but only when the sun sank and the moon raised. If we knew things about each other, it was only because we were vulnerable with our high and started rambling about anything that crossed our minds: a common thing._

_There was promiscuous Alissa Williams with her snobby attitude and high-end fashion. She was the nymphomaniac of the group, her addiction for sex almost greater than her coke habit (which was very big). Coming from a rich family in Metropolis, her pockets were always filled and her bank account always stacked thanks to her parents who were unaware of her party girl pass time. She took the record for being in rehab four times, starting from the age of nine when she gained an eating disorder from her overwhelming mother that saw that the family image was more important than her daughters mental health. This was why her parents let her move a few cities away to keep her drama away from the social status, her family only wanting to see her for holidays and told their close confidants that their perfect daughter was working for Wayne Enterprise, deeming her a smart brainiac that wasn't true in any way. Alissa wouldn't ever admit this sober but we were all aware of her need for attention, from sexual to glances and whispers about her outfits in the street. She was happy but we assumed this was a cover-up._

_But we weren't her friends, we weren't going to become therapists to her struggles when we had our own._

_Jade Madison was a small town girl who was born with a rebellious aura around her that seemed to flourish as soon as she started kindergarten. Her tanned skin was inked as soon as she arrived in high school, her black hair always mirrored something you'd see on the mane of a My Little Pony character, and her accessories became leather and chains instead of friendship bracelets and purity rings. Her family consisted of a mean drunk father who wasn't around often to even sit down and ask why Jade would skip class and smoke in the stalls with her circle. In small towns, talk travels fast and Jade's name always was mentioned in the mouth of an elderly women (and it wasn't the good gossip either). The problem in her family was no one mentioned the death of her mother who died after child birth. No one blamed her besides herself and this was probably why she did the things she did: she wanted her father to tell her how disappointed mom would be and how she was probably turning in her grave at the moment whenever she lit that joint or snorted that line._

_He never did._

_It's cliche to have a former football team captain in our group, but that's what Jackson Kell was. He came from wealth as well, private schools and church Sundays with the clean dress shoes and button up shirts. Jackson was the pretty boy which is probably why his parents made him go to an all boys school in hopes to raise him into a nice marriage-able man who didn't break hearts for amusement. He got accepted into Gotham University to study in human resources but eventually dropped out after realizing the city had more to offer to his closed-off life. His parents weren't happy at all when he showed up to every Christmas dinner with a new girl when Jackson's siblings were all married with children. Jackson wasn't involved with drugs as much as us three but still dabbled into it occasionally when stress became too big or his family sent his a message telling him to get his life together._

_They weren't friends, but they were at least something._

_Illegal things aren't really my rep (apart from the pills, let's not call me a hypocrite) so I choose the more reasonable job that insisted my interests: Bartender and sometimes waitress. I mean, mixing the drinks was fun and my boss was pretty easygoing, giving me good pay and Friday nights off (occasionally the weekends if I did my job well and gave up my tips). Surely it wasn't a child's dream to be some lowlife mixologist but at least there was food on my table and a home for me to pass out in._

_My family lived in California and often wanted me to come back and visit or vise-versa. I don't think I wrote another letter back since last Thanksgiving when I choose to join Alissa to soothe her worries from her overbearing family. They were disappointed which was understandable and I didn't think about it too much, it hurt to see how much of a failure I really was sometimes._

_But It was good enough, beggars can't be choosers in Gotham. I had to be strong like my last name, tough as nails and unbreakable as a log._

°•°•°


	2. tacenda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> theia goes to a newly popular nightclub and meets someone unexpected.

TACENDA (n.): things better left unsaid; matters to be passed over in silence.

°•°•°

Gotham's street lights casted their glow onto the dampened pavement, the tiny puddles that were left to evaporate reflecting up and brightening the mundane darkened city,making it appear more lively. Few civilians were out and about, most drunk and stumbling their way back to the hole they called home, and some looking exhausted from work with lazy steps and tired frowns. Cars and distant chattering was sounded around us, my feet carefully missing the cracks of the sidewalk as I kept up with Alissa and Jackson, Jade's warmth reminding me of her quiet presence as she leaned against my body as a support beam for her intoxicated stature. My own body began to feel more loose instead of its characteristic tenseness, the pill I popped earlier settling into my system to make the next couple of hours more intriguing.

  
The night was still young despite the moon rising to its highest position in the sky, our bar-hopping antics carrying us over to the nearest nightclub that was bustling with new popularity: Oswald's. I remembered the establishment when it was owned by the notorious Fish Mooney, her neon sign a trademark of her name. Even with living so close, I never dared to adventure nights there from the criminal activity that often crept up around her parts. I haven't seen the club look blooming with business that resulted in a line outside nor did I question the changes made for this doing. Oswald Cobblepot was a known liar, an opportunist I preferred to call him, and rumors told me he was the cause of Mooney's sudden absence. The fibber now working for Don Carmine Falcone, presumably taking the audacious woman's place in power.

"I know the bouncer, we should try this place tonight guys." Alissa suggested, her stiletto heels clicking against the ground. She threw a glance behind her shoulder and I caught the way her face was fixed into a suggestive smirk.

_Too familiar with the bouncer._

Without seeing Jackson's structured features I knew those icy eyes of his rolled with the chuckle he gave, Alissa's cheek lifting as her beam got wider and more obvious. She knew what she was doing, everyone did, with Jade giving a soft snicker towards the two and their raising bickering that would come any second.

"What's so funny, Jackson? I don't see you seducing the bouncer to skip the line." She jabbed with confidence, her ego greater than Jackson's and much more unbreakable. Jackson's jealousy got the best of his.

"Oh here we go." Jade mumbled besides me, sighing softly as she pulled away from my frame. I watched her balance herself easily, this not being her first rodeo in the drunk department.

Jackson was silent, the line's talking growing louder with the muffled music from inside the nightclub. They watched her strut up to the bouncer and I noticed the way some clicked their tongues in annoyance and others looked at her hungrily in her short cocktail dress that showed off her long silky legs. Jackson seemed interested with the exterior of the building, an excuse to ignore the giggles and flirtatious tone of Alissa as she easily made the brute bouncer's blood flow south below his belt and away from his brain.

Jade arched a brow, an approving nod when Alissa brushed his bicep. "This never gets old."

This was a weird triangle that I was somehow a subplot of: Jade found Alissa attractive, Alissa only liked men and loved the game she played with Jackson, and Jackson hated the way Alissa gave any man a taste but him. My part in this wasn't one of the three corners but a branch of to the side that wouldn't sprout further than it had, my hazy night with Jackson being one of regret and one I couldn't remember much of to begin with. It was like a little secret that didn't need to be one and shouldn't of started in the first place. Alissa was blind and Jade wasn't much for group gossip, and I wasn't fond of bringing it up to anyone,especially my own reflection in the mirror.

"I'll wait for you to get off, Danny," Alissa purred as Danny opened the door with a triumphant smile at the shorter girl. "Maybe we can catch up."She winked and licked her painted lips, her charm of seduction was advanced and came naturally.

The crowd behind us groaned impatiently when Alissa disappeared into the deafening club, us following suit as Jackson glared faintly at the bouncer as he brushed past the brute. Music flooded my ears and up to my brain and I found it hard to think straight with the flashing lights overhead and the bass of the tunes vibrating the floor. The air smelled of alcohol and mixes of fragrances, the atmosphere feeling hot from club patrons who danced and breathed heavily from vigorous dancing. Jackson was scanning the room for potential temporary suitors of the bed and Alissa is shuffling through her handbag with Jade's interest had been caught from the blondes movements. Drugs,of course, could only make Jade's hazel eyes shimmer from the simplicity of fishing through a purse.

"Come on, I'll be able to see better in the bathroom!" Alissa shouts over the music towards Jade, turning to me with a wicked beam. "Joining us, Theia? Don't tell me you're still doing the 'no club and drugs' thing!"

I nodded and Alissa tuts, grabbing onto Jade's fishnet arm and pulling her in the direction of the restroom. Jackson whistles low and I change my sight from the girls to what he's howling about, seeing a nimble redhead with a revealing top that did no justice for her bouncing motions. In my peripheral vision, I take note of the deserted bar that held nothing but empty seats and a bored bartender with neat brunette hair. Jackson trotted towards his prey and I felt slight relief that it wasn't me he was after tonight. Keeping my distance, I followed in his footsteps before parting off towards my desired destination that would allow me to drink alone in solitude.

The bartenders face lit up when I took a seat at the end of the bar, dashing over in a flash infront of me as I simultaneously searched in my pocket for a bill to pay the tab.

"Gin and Tonic, please." I slide the green paper across the counter. "Keep the change."

_I know how it feels to get large tips._

He grinned widely, pocketing the money and getting to work with energetic speed. My elbows rested on the tabletop as I cupped my jaw, staring at the liquor wall with different bottles ranging from size and color. I remembered I was off for the weekend, free of having to mix drinks or wait tables at the tiny rundown bar I worked at to put food in the fridge and a roof over my head. I couldn't imagine working at a place such as this, my boss being a kind gentle older man who paid good and gave life lessons occasionally when the hours were slow and the customers had yet to arrive. Oswald Cobblepot didn't seem so generous with the rumors spread over town in his name. It was usually quiet and the kind of people who came in were in leather jackets and bandanas, inked and pierced, and called me "doll" and "sweetie". I didn't recall a time where I wanted to quit and any problem I had was usually sorted out by my favorites who wouldn't stand for rudeness or disrespect coming my way.

The glass was set between my arms and I nodded a soundless thanks, turning my attention to the ice cubes that floated around in the clear liquid. The beverage was yet to stay still, the commotion around me making it billow and shake with the music. I was hesitant in drinking tonight, reminding myself that I needed to do chores around the apartment to keep me busy with my short time of sobriety. Being hungover wasn't going to help my case and I needed to be the best I could manage in case my predicted manic would be depressive instead of hyper. Throwing up or having a headache wouldn't make my jittery sober self any more doable.

I barely acknowledged the person who sat to my left until their cologne wafted into my nose. The scent wasn't recognizable, Jackson's smelling cheap and piney, this smelling strong with undertones of vanilla but concealed with a husky elegance. My hair acted like a sheer curtain when I briefly glanced at the man beside me, a glass of dark brown alcohol placed infront of him without a word exchanged between him and the bartender. He was bald and dressed in black clothing, his face hard to make out with the shadows of the darkness and the curls that blocked my view. I dismissed my curiosity, taking a hand and tracing the rim of the cooled glass with a finger slowly.

Alissa and Jade were probably done with snorting lines of powder up their nostrils and presumably trying to find their next mission that was similar to Jackson's. I wasn't for the wild erotic affairs with strangers and risking a sexual transmitted diseased wouldn't take too kindly to my well-being or my pockets for the visit to cure it. It took them awhile to realize I didn't enjoy the partners they sent my way, my declines starting to sink into their skulls that I preferred loneliness and cold sheets rather than one night stands. The last time I engaged into anything lustful was my encounter with Jackson and after that I shifted further left on the spectrum of "I'd rather hug myself to sleep".

_Let's not think about that, it won't do you any good._

I raised the glass to my lips, tasting the bitter drink and feeling it burn my throat as it went down. My addiction wasn't so bad with alcohol, the habit diminishing after I left California with the high school parties and late night outings with friends. Working in a bar and pouring the stuff also leaned me away from alcoholism. I reframed from snapping my eyes closed and felt the sensation go away after mere moments, setting the glass down and bringing my locks onto one shoulder. Maybe I should of listened to Alissa about wearing my hair up, the curls becoming frizzy and messy, trapping in heat and making my neck sweat.

"Theia!"

I groaned, Jackson's voice becoming less distant as he neared me with sluggish steps. My body tensed and I felt my jaw clench, the tip of my tongue rubbing the inside of my cheek as his presence was closer, leaning coolly against the bar. I felt his gaze trail up my physique and I sensed the disappointment at the distortion from my trench coat and jeans, covering my body and interrupting his gawking.

"What are you doing over here all alone?" He asked huskily, noting the words that weren't said between the stranger and I.

"Thinking."

Jackson clicked his tongue, inching his face closer to mine to fixture his eyes into my own that was glued to nothing in particular. "Coming home with me tonight? I'm gonna be pretty lonely tonight and I know you will be too."

I sighed softly, taking another sip of the drink to give me time to make an excuse that would be believable.

"What happened to that girl you were dancing with?" I teased, turning in my seat to face him with a quizzical brow. "Did she smell through your bullshit bad boy facade?" I gestured to the black leather jacket that hugged Jackson and drew my eyes up at his earring, the tiny gem sparkling under his sandy brown hair that was long overdue for a trim.

He rolled his eyes playfully. "She didn't fly my way if you know what I mean."

_Or she lied to get you off her trail to avoid your horn dog behavior._

"Ah, I see."

"So? You and me? My place?"

I exhaled smoothly, trying to seem nonchalant. "I'm not feeling it, Jackson. Honestly I'm feeling tired tonight and I think I'm about to head out," I said plainly, dismissing his disappointed frown with a small smile. "I live down the street-"

"It's Friday night and if you've been keeping up with the news there's a lady catcher on the loose," Jackson cut me off. "The Orge. I'm sure he wouldn't think twice about snagging you up and hurting that pretty face of yours."

_Honestly, I'd probably thank him. Anything is better than risking a blackout at your place and waking up in my birthday suit._

"Gotta give the producers of my show some excitement, don't I?"

I wasn't sure who gave the chuckle: Jackson or the stranger besides me. Jackson grins down at me, his head shaking away as he snickered.

"It won't be funny when your screaming for your life-"

"Who says I'll scream? I could laugh or cry, we don't know if we don't find out." I pointed out with a laugh, his face dropping at my cruel humor. "Like I said, I live down the street and-"

"No. You're not sober and it's dangerous. We both know how you get when you are high." Jackson deadpans, trying to fight for his argument with faked concern towards my safety.

There was silence between us, tension building up as I balled my unseen hand and furrowed my brows. My teeth bit into my cheek to ground my growing anger and simmer down my blood from boiling. I shouldn't cause a scene even if I wanted to and knew no one would even give a care. Everyone was in their own intoxicated haze while I was in my own personal hell.

"You're not my father nor are we anything that would result in you bossing me around. If you cared so much you wouldn't of done what you did that night," I advised stiffly, my emotions fueling Jackson's hot-headed temper as I saw the vein in his forehead become visible. "So why don't we stop this conversation, yeah?"

"Why do you have to be such a bitch sometimes? It's hard to remember you're bipolar until you suddenly lash out and become an asshole," He sneered, taking a daring move and placing a rough hand on my wrist. His grip tightened and I ripped it quickly from his touch, eyeing my drink with thoughts of spilling it on his expensive attire. "You act like you didn't enjoy that night when we both know you fucking loved it-"

"Fuck off, Jackson. Keep telling yourself that and I'll keep trying to remember how that even started!" I shouted in his face, my nails digging into my palm besides me. The pain felt like a leash that was becoming looser with every second I had to look at Jackson's angered stance.

"I think that twisted head of yours is painting you a different picture, kitten. And you're drug addiction isn't helping, is it?" Jackson challenged back with an evil glare that sent chills down my heated back. My balled fist relaxed as I breathed in, forcing my lids to squeeze together as I threw all of my aggression out the door in defeat.

"You know what, Jackson?" I lowered my voice, forming a smile on my mouth as I backed away in surrender. "I'm sorry and I don't want to fight with you tonight. I am tired and you're right, I'm not thinking clearly. I'll be sure to go home after this glass," I picked it up, nodding it towards him before taking a large swig.

Jackson rolled his cold blue eyes, stepping back and holding his hands up mockingly. "Don't call me for your rescue."

I shifted and turned my sight to the front, my breathes becoming controlled as I focused on the labels of the bottles instead of the images of Jackson's exposed body flashing through my head. Even if I didn't recall that night perfectly, I could see myself expressing my honest opinion and Jackson waving it off without worry for my concent. He was fairly attractive and maybe If I'd known him longer I might of settled for stronger feelings and took his barbaric gesture as flattery, but currently I felt nothing for him and even considering a platonic relationship was reaching to close for my liking. Jackson was nothing but a douche bag to me and he landed himself the number one spot on my kill list that I wanted to complete before I was buried six feet under.

"I noticed you eyed your drink. Should've poured on him."

I jumped from the sudden sound next to me, a low humorous voice that was also flat and monotone all the same. My head turned hastily and I met smokey brown eyes that peered back at me with no eyelashes to accent them nor brows to give them character. But they didn't need those facial assets to be readable, they said more than his expression could. Those coal irises reminding me of an abyss, words and feelings buried in the darkness that drew you in and kept your stare for as long as it wanted.

I chuckled bitterly. "I don't need your input, especially from a stranger who decided to sit right next to me with tons of empty seats."

Despite my bluntness, the man smiled and looked amused by my little remark.

"I'd be happy to get him off your hands," He said in a joking manner, a joke that almost sounded serious as he leaned closer to drop his tone. "I'll even cut you a discount since I don't like him too much either."

I laughed at the dark humor, eyeing him up and down. My once cheerful laughter turned into a forced one when I met the shine of a gun under his arm, strapped into a holster that crossed on his back.

"Oh...well..." I gulped, trying to hide the fear in my gaze when I looked back up at him. "I see you're...not joking..."

"If you knew me I'm sure you'd know that from the start. Unfortunately I can't make a grand introduction," He sighed dramatically, his grin become wider as he watched me work out who he was. "But by the looks of it, you're already figuring out who I am."

_Bald head...dark clothes...guns..._

_Hitman for sure..._

I blinked when the pieces fell into the puzzle, taking me back harshly and numbing my disbelief from showing on my face. "When I thought my night couldn't get any interesting, Victor Zsasz sits next to me..."

"I take it you're not a fan."

"Honestly..." I shook my worry away and exhaled, chuckling quietly. "It's a story to tell my children if I live to tell the tale."

"That's not looking too promising right now, taking that you're walking home alone with the creeps breathing down your neck." Victor stated. I shrugged, downing the rest of my drink before slamming the glass down.

I swallowed, squeezing my eyes closed to collect my thoughts before opening them as I wrapped my coat tighter around my body to prepare for the chilly walk home. "Like I said, I need excitement in my life. You only live once and I'm sure you understand that motto more than me."

"You're pretty interesting," He smirked as I prepared my tingling legs to hold up my weight, stepping down cautiously. "Mind if I cameo in your scene of your walk home?"

_Victor Zsasz offering to walk me home? What a gentleman, despite the fact he wouldn't bat an eye if we were playing cat and mouse on his job._

"Yep. It'd be pretty cliche if I had a hitman walk me home. Wouldn't want to be a damsel in distress," I joked, declining his offer at the thought of me being alone with such a ruthless dangerous man. "It was nice meeting you and I doubt we will be crossing paths again."

"Awe, this is goodbye?" He called after me. I could hear the faked sadness edged onto his tongue, his lips still curled by the sound of it.

I continued walking away, my speed increasing as I approached the door and threw it open, the wind sending my hair flying backwards. The club was no longer holding a crowd outside and when I glanced up at the nightsky that was plagued with smog, I was led to believe it was later than a thought. Perhaps twelve with the almost empty street with a few cars passing me on the road alongside me before speeding off. My nerves were on alert and I could swear I felt a pair of eyes watching me in the shadows. If they were I wasn't going to acknowledge I was aware of them and dismissed the idea entirely as I paced home.

Something made me almost confident on my guess of those eyes belonging to that infamous hitman.

°•°•°

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed!


	3. kalopsia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> theia encounters an unexpected customer at her work. jade starts to become suspicious over things that concern theia.

KALOPSIA (n.) _Greek:_ the delusion of things being more beautiful than they really are.

°•°•°

Working was probably the best distraction that could keep my sobered-self controlled. For one, it kept my work ethic up and didn't get in the way of tending the bar at The Rusty Hatchet. 

  
The Rusty Hatchet was a rundown bar closer to The Narrows, the more shadier side of Gotham with more crime that went unnoticed on most occasions. The establishment still did good business, the bikers and lowlife patrons making up most of our profits and always leaving good tips. It was a small place with a pool table and had an olden western saloon atmosphere with those funny pictures of the dogs playing cards or a few pin-up girls plastered on the maroon walls. The smell was always either cigarettes or cigars that weren't as classy as they looked in a place such as this, holding no elegance whatsoever. Working here was probably the most normalcy I had in my drug-absorbed world, keeping jobs never being my strong suit from either running my mouth in sarcasm to throw a jab at rude customers or walking out after a manager made a sexual comment.

Kenny Richards, an elderly grey-haired man, was the most wisest and kindest employer I've had in awhile and probably the best I would ever get. He wore wire framed glasses and always dressed in a button-up shirt with plain slacks. From what I knew, he owned the bar way before Gotham was as corrupt as it was today and also kept a gun in his office to make sure the clientele was under his hand. He wasn't one for violence and the brutes who crossed these parts were well-aware and for whatever reason respected that enough to make sure everything was to Kenny's liking. Kenny had that grandfather attribute, fully acknowledged about my mental well-being and how I chose to handle it. He knew whenever I was off, noticing my shaky hands or my alerted demeanor, my fast movements or speedy responses. It was relieving to be able to take a smoke break whenever things were getting bad and not be given a glare but instead an honest beam with slight concern.

He wasn't one for getting involved in lives that weren't his own, never bringing up my habits or voicing his worry towards myself. 

  
I started working here shortly after the Wayne's were murdered, showing up at his doorstep with a simple resume and a forced face of determination. Sadly, my good looks couldn't pay my rent. Luckily I was hired without much of an evaluation, the last person in my place fired for taking money from Kenny behind his back. He kept a close eye on his workers, the other bartender being around the same age as I but a young male who was currently in college. This was why giving up the weekends weren't a big deal: Dallas needed the money on his free time and wouldn't refuse such an opportunity of a few extra bucks.

It took awhile for the customers to actually show me some kindness, their sexist behavior making them believe I was just another shy quiet girl without a backbone. I was allowed to stand up for myself, Kenny telling me this on my first night. It all changed whenever I was given the opportunity of giving lip or spilling a drink on someone's lap "on accident". Soon enough the regulars started sparking a conversation with me, asking me about my life (to which I lied about), giving me nicknames, and always complimenting my skills rather than my features. It taught me a lesson that even mean, intimidating, and blunt people could have a soft side and be genuine without it ending in a bullet wound or bruise.

_Probably why I wasn't too quick to runaway from Victor Zsasz._

The last stick of gum had become tough and I spit it out into the trash bin, the pack only lasting me a day with others sitting at the bottom of my purse yet to be chewed. The bar was pretty dead which was surprising for a Wednesday night, the week beginning to pick up its spirit with being halfway to the weekend. On days like these with the only sound coming from the speakers overhead softly playing AC/DC or Fleetwood Mac, Kenny would sit in his office and pounder if he should close the bar early or see if the business would bring itself back up.

Most times he decided to close, his bones aching to be asleep and his eyes beginning to become sore from old age taking its toll. Kenny was surely suffering from some internal disease that I hadn't had the bravery to ask about. Sometimes he left early, too early while the sun was still out and shining brightly, and I presumed it was to refill that pill bottle that rattled in his pocket whenever he shuffled for keys. He'd cough, but so would I, so I pushed the concern away to ease my curious mind. Since my father was long gone and in the dirt, Kenny became some sort of fatherly figure in my lonely life. Even if no one could replace Nicholas Woods, Kennith Richards was a close second.

I leaned against the counter, crossing my arms and bouncing my leg as I thought about my decision of crawling to Jackson and asking for more of my supply. Whenever I was sober, it became an internal challenge to see how long it would last, a streak that wouldn't ever make it over a week. It was exciting with each passing day I was in my normal mindset and not my hazy one, but it was always a greater struggle on top of the trophy.

Never in my life was I completely happy to stay where I was without the influence of drugs. I was either too depressed or too hyper, my thoughts running on a constant treadmill but my thinking always being too slow compared to the others around me. My head focused on the little things that seemed to be pointless to everyone: how fast was I breathing? Why did the air become nonexistent? Was I walking too fast? If I step on that crack it will interfere with my perfect picture. Thoughts like these led to greater things that only made me panic for their answers.

_At least your apartment is spotless. Perhaps even the Queen of England would be able to sit a few minutes without showing disgust._

Everyone found it quite strange how Jackson kept his dealer a secret but we weren't allowed to ask about his quietness without an attitude. Jade and I had thought it had something to do with the mob turfs and whoever was carrying our candy was probably afraid of Carmine or Maroni finding out something that would upset them.

Alissa didn't seem to care as long as she was stocked.

Jackson seemed to think of himself on a godly platform whenever "his girls" came to him wanting more and always found a way to make us feel offended or bad with his hinted taunting. I didn't know what was worse, my itch for more or my fear of him, but sooner or later my addiction would need to be fed and I either had to grow balls or bury myself next to my dad with regret. Weekend was approaching and I felt a need to look forward to it, maybe catching Jackson intoxicated and loose and showing more generosity.

The sound of the door chime rang and I sighed quietly, turning around to face the newly customer with a smile that fell when I recognized the strong scented perfume that wafted into the place when it glided with the breeze.

"Theia Tamia!"

Alissa grinned, her pearly white teeth untouched from her ruby red lipstick. Her eyes scanned the room and I noticed the way her nose scrunched in disgust at the poverty of the place, her taste for finer things struggling to be concealed. She looked like an eyesore in here, her pink fur coat laying nicely on top of her tight white dress that barely covered her perfect unblemished thighs. The shoes were designer and clicked against the tile as she strutted her way towards an open stool, glancing at it hesitantly before deciding to stand against the counter. Her red locks were pulled back into a high sleek ponytail, her lids colored with shadow that made her green eyes pop against her creamy flesh.

"Hi...? What are you doing here?" I questioned with a nervous laugh, arching a brow as I stepped in front of her.

_Alissa never came here. Why would she? She had more higher-end clubs to attend to when that small nose of hers wasn't dusted with white powder._

"Well..." She breathed out, her lips curling into a smile that only said too much for my liking. I knew her all too well and started to realize why she would come here in the "ghetto" as she liked to call it. A proposal. "Halloween is this Saturday..."

_God damnit._

"Oh, I must of forgotten."

_Of course I hadn't forgotten. Halloween was the night I would wait in my apartment in the dark and see if Michael Myers would finally step from the shadows._

_Chucky was too easy. I wanted a challenge at least, not a laugh for a piece of plastic._

She snickers, rolling her eyes as she clicks her tongue. "Theia, how could you forget? Geez, what holiday do you not like? Besides, it's the holiday where dressing like a slut isn't shamed upon."

"Right...did you want anything?" I asked, nodding at the beers behind me to hopefully stall her spewing plan from being said. Alissa tilts her head, throwing me an obvious expression of her decline.

_Must of forgotten she was too classy to drink beer._

"So, what are you being?"

I casted my gaze to the ceiling, bringing it back to her with confusion. "What?"

"For Halloween! You know, it's always so hard to talk to you rather you're high or all jittery," She laughs, waving off my straight face at her mockery. "Cmon, you got my text right? Oswald's is suppose to be the spot and I want you there. It would be so cute, all four of us dressed up!"

_great, maybe I can meet the owner himself instead. Victor Zsasz, check. Oswald Cobblepot, still waiting._

"No. I work. I can't just give up tips to have fun, some of us don't have daddy's money to support us." I stated blankly, shrugging carelessly as I grab a towel and start cleaning the countertop to avoid her eyes.

"Okay okay, touché. Cmon, what do I have to do to get you to come?"

"Even if I did, I'm not dressing up."

_Unless I'm gonna be going as a casket._

_I'd maybe settle for corpse._

"Don't say that! I already have a lot of ideas for you!" Alissa exclaims, whining as a child would if they didn't get the present they asked for on Christmas. "You're such a pretty girl, why do you not want to show your stuff off? This is your chance!"

I rose my shoulders, dropping them quickly as I shot a glance at her pouting face. "Just because I don't dress like you doesn't mean I'm not "showing off my stuff". You just don't like the fact that I don't go over the top and wear skirts."

"But you used to!"

_Yeah. Until I realized skirts were an easy excess type of thing and I can't trust anyone when I'm in one._

She slammed her palm on the counter, frowning as she noticed how I became silent. "Just one night!"

"No."

Alissa is quiet for a few seconds and I can tell she's trying to find a way to convince me to come along her on fun train for Halloween, perhaps trying to get me to dress to her liking as well. I wouldn't lie and say there wasn't at least one possibility that would sway my decision.

_Read the room Alissa, I know you're smart enough to see what I want._

"What if..." Her voice is low, a challenging and bold one that brings my head up to pull my attention to her bribe. "I paid you double your tips-" I begin to protest but she holds a hand up to stop me from speaking so quickly. "Hush! Think about it, you won't loose money and you can have a good time."

_Rent was coming up. And I did need a little extra cash just to feel safe._

I stopped my action, placing my hands on the bar as I leaned in, narrowing my lids in suspicion as I peered into her big doe eyes.

"What's the catch?"

She huffs, a smirk appearing on her face. "I get to choose your outfit of course."

A laugh erupted from my throat, my chin tilting upwards as I thought of how close she was to goal and ruining it with one sentence. I could only imagine the worst of what she'd make me wear: tight tops, stockings maybe, heels of course. I'd rather go as a refrigerator than some dolled up bimbo from a movie or tv show.

"Yeah, no. I gotta hand it to you, you almost had me-"

"You're out of pills aren't you?" Alissa cuts me off and it catches me off guard, my humor disappearing at her blackmail.

_She has me..._

She read my soft glare and answered her own question, clapping her hands together at her success as her grin got wider. "Okay, double your tips and I'll get you something."

"How soon?" I felt the words slip from my mouth all too quickly and it felt more of a plead. Desperate, begging, screaming practically.

"Halloween night of course, I'm not gonna have you ditch our plan. I still get to at least have a say in your costume-"

"I don't care if you choose it I just don't want to walk around as Malabo Barbie." I admitted and she faked a frown before folding her arms.

"I was thinking us girls could go as The PowerPuff girls. But ya know, things could change."

_Hopefully Jade will change her mind with her aggressive behavior._

My face must of showed my honesty and she sighs with irritation, throwing a look over her shoulder of disappointment.

"I was gonna be Blossom, duh!" She gestured to her red hair. "And Jade was gonna be Buttercup, for obvious reasons-"

"Because she's gay?"

"Well the way you say it makes me sound stereotypical!" She glares and takes offense. "And it's because she's all bark and bite! She's got that...badass vibe about her. Besides, green isn't my color."

_Black and blue might. I almost want to swatch the colors on your lids._

"So I have to be the blonde one? I don't think that makes sense because for one, I'm not white nor am I blonde-"

"They got that fake hair spray at the store! We can spray it in your hair and-"

"No. If we are doing this than I'm keeping my hair color AND the curls. And since you decided to basically call me the "baby" of the group, I'm getting a say in what I will and won't do." 

Alissa clenched her jaw and stares intensely, thinking over my rules. Her shoulders drop in defeat and she holds her hands up in surrender, pushing up off the bar as I grinned. 

"Fine! But don't think you're getting those pills without getting that ass of yours in a skirt!" She points a finger at me as she walks back. "And we will be going shopping together!"

_A lot of you probably think I'm desperate right now. Go ahead and pat yourself on the back for being right._

_If I had to wear a skirt for just a couple of pills, then so be it. Maybe my strength will show up before then and I can acquire them myself..._

"And you will be paying. Now get out of here before the stench of poor seeps into your coat." I waved at Alissa and she rolls her eyes, tightening her ponytail as she whips around and begins to leave, the hair swinging with her.

"At least I won the war!" She yells over her shoulder.

_But I'm getting drugs, so who's the real winner here?_

She was gone and so was her snobby aura. If I had to write a book about Alissa Williams she probably wouldn't enjoy how right I was about her. It didn't make sense for her to carry around that rich girl facade when she was practically disowned from her family. She had little class here, holding up a high enough standing on the social status to be invited to galas and events held by The Waynes, or more so Bruce Wayne. But it was just because she did have at least six figures in her bank account that could make wonderful donations. 

Alissa walked around as if paparazzi was dying to take her photo, always looking the best and only letting her true colors show when she was with Jackson, Jade, and I. Her nails were always polished and shined, and her attire never stayed the same: an outfit worn once was good enough and was to never be seen again on her petite frame. It was unbearable how she forced us to hold up her invalid reputation when she was getting her back blown out in a dingy bathroom almost every night. 

"Sweetheart,"

I jumped, not hearing Kenny's footsteps as he entered the room, turning around and widening my eyes at his tone. He smiled, not taking knowledge of my frightened statue.

"Go ahead and go home. It's getting late and there's supposably nearby crime and I want you to get home safe." Kenny said with a soft voice. I nodded without a question, feeling the tiredness in my muscles as I bent down to grab my purse from a shelf.

I brushed past his, patting his shoulder in gratitude as I staggered towards the coathook to grab my sweatshirt. 

"Need the weekend off?" He called out as I started to zip up my hoodie. I assumed he overheard my conversation with Alissa and I sighed quietly, my cheeks heating up in embarrassment. 

"Yea...I'm sorry." I apologized shamefully. Kenny was someone who I gave the most respect and whenever I asked for the weekend off in return for my tips, I felt as if I were letting him down. Sure, he was able to play barkeep for my absence if Dallas was unable to, but I always feared he was overworking himself. 

He chuckled. "Sorry for what? It's Halloween, you youngsters love to party on such occasions. Don't let me hold you back!" 

I exhaled, forcing a smile on my lips. "Yeah...I guess you're right. Have a nice night, Kenny."

"You as well, Theia." 

I made sure to turn off the glowing sign as I pushed the door open, the cold air stealing my warmth as I pulled my phone out of my purse and looked around the deserted parking lot. Sirens were heard in the distance and curiosity got the best of me, wondering what could be happening just a few blocks away. I shrugged it off, continuing my way towards my vehicle without having my phone take my attention away and leave me vulnerable. 

Creeps were everywhere in Gotham and in these parts, they were even more lively, some traveling in groups and holding much more dangerous weapons than just a handy pistol. 

Once I got into my car and closed the door, the screen lit up and I checked my messages, seeing a few from Alissa and one from Jade which wasn't out of the usual. Jade lived two lives and preferred to keep us separate from her everyday one. She was secretive but not that is rose any skeptical questions.

Without hesitation I pressed the call button, putting it on speaker and waiting for her to pick up. 

" _Theia, fucking hell man, do you not know how to text back?!"_ Jade said through the speaker, her loud voice filling the silence of the car.

"I was at work. What's the matter? Something wrong?" I begin to pick at my nails, trying to ease my anxiety. 

Something felt off and the blackness that engulfed my backseat wasn't helping the situation. Nor was the company of my nerves. Or myself being the only one present in the night of The Narrows.

_"I just...I don't know. Honestly..."_ Her tone became serious as I heard the hesitation in her words that made me more anxious, playing with the rings on my fingers instead of my already bitten nails. " _Imma be real, this needs to stay between you and me. Alissa is a big mouth and you know how that bitch thinks with her pussy instead of her empty head."_

_"_ Yeah...of course. What's wrong?" I asked again, her pauses making me tense up. The only time Jade became serious was when she was too drunk. But she sounded as sober as me and this wasn't normal at all.

_"Okay...remember that night? At Oswald's?"_

"Yeah..." 

_Of course I did. How could I forget with the embarrassment still washing over me whenever I relived the scene that Jackson caused?_

_"Well, you know how you were talking to...man what's his name- I fucking know it..."_

"Victor Zsasz?" I answered and I hear Jade shout through the line with confirmation.

" _Yeah! Did you notice how...jealous Jackson got?"_

_Shit shit shit!_

"No? He was? He only came up and asked if I was coming with you guys. I wasn't even talking to that hitman when he was near."

_"Fuck yes! It was so fucking weird! Like... I thought his dick was after Alissa and every other female that crossed him! And trust me, this wasn't some "brother sister" type of shit or protective thing! Like he was pisssed!"_ Jade explains.

"I mean we talked for a second. Honestly I was too high to even realize who Zsasz was when he sat down. Yeah...he didn't flirt or anything if you're asking if I'm seeing him-"

_"That's the thing! Like even a blind person could see that but no, Jackson got all weird."_

_Jade, you really need to get yourself out of this._

"You know him, he's after anything that walks. Besides, he probably felt offended that I blew him about this offer to join you guys. I wouldn't look into it-"

" _No no, listen!"_ She interrupts me and I felt the air shift, growing with tension as I realized she was about to say something I wasn't fully aware of, something that must of happened and I wasn't there to see it. _"He got all mad when Alissa went through his phone- or tried to. She was joking and shit and we were all laughing, ya know, joking about how many nude pictures he got on that thing and he lashed out and grabbed the phone from her and started going off."_

I scoffed, seeing no problem in the fact he wanted privacy. "Oh cmon, you know how people are about their phones-"

" _Theia! Cmon, it isn't like we aren't girls who have tits and ass! It wasn't necessary unless there was something we weren't suppose to see. And he got too defensive about some naked girls on his phone."_ Jade deadpans. 

_She's right, Theia._

_And you know it._

Overall, she was correct in every way but I didn't want to look into this as much as she wanted to. She was safe and I wasn't and whatever was on that phone was better left unseen and unsaid. That night between Jackson and I was still too fuzzy and I wasn't able to remember any camera flashes or clicks. Maybe it was better to just leave it where it was: in the past. If there was any evidence on that phone that involved that night, it was future blackmail and I wasn't quick to go run to the police. 

"Jade, men and women are very different. Besides, I'm pretty sure you never trusted him." I chuckled, trying to conceal the edge in my voice as I fiddled with the hair tie on my wrist. 

" _Fine... but I'm not letting this go,"_ Jade sighs through the other end and soon I hear a giggle that lightens the mood. " _So, you coming on Saturday? And trust me, this little Power girl thing or whatever isn't going to happen. Fuck that, I wanna go as something more...mature."_

I groaned, running my hands through my hair was I could already see myself in what Alissa would make me wear. My younger self would of been excited to go as a PowerPuff girl but now that I was reaching my mid-twenties, I would of preferred to stay at home and flick through cable with some popcorn in comfort. Jade probably would of loved the idea of coming over to join me in a movie marathon but her love for partying was too greater than mine.

"Yes. I got a good bargain, what can I say?"

_"You never know, maybe you'll see that hitman again. You said he wasn't bad, right?"_

_"_ If you forget about the killing part of his job, yeah. He was... surprisingly charming in a weird and strange way." I scanned the parking lot, fearing Victor Zsasz would hear me compliment him and come over to my car and ask me out or worse: tease me. 

Nothing could ease my mind about the fact that Victor for sure followed me home after the I left the club. I wasn't sure if I should feel grateful or scared, seeming there was sketchy people that passed me on the way to my apartment, but now there was a murderer knowing my location.

_A murderer who seemed very talkative and humorous despite his well-known love for torture and being a full blown sadist._

_"Be careful, you might make Jackson jealous."_ She warns in a joking manner and I felt my spine straighten. " _Okay, I got to go. Love you!"_

"Love you too." 

If it was anything, I felt closer to Jade than Jackson or Alissa even if we barely talked privately or saw each other without the others around us. Jade was chill, not caring about how I looked or gawking at me at Jackson would even if she was attracted to the same sex as him. She flirted but it was always a joke that she made clear which was flattering and overall funny. At least she wasn't wrapped around Jackson's finger and I didn't have to watch out for his advances towards her. She was a tough girl, probably owning a few weapons from the black market like brass knuckles or some blades. Bar fights were common for her and she'd always win them, probably scaring off Jackson from attempting anything towards her. Even if he was stronger, she had more willpower and adrenaline when she got mad and I often wondered why she didn't apply to be some sort of bodyguard or assassin. She had the look of one of the women who accompanied Zsasz, black leather and a resting glare on her face. 

Maybe wearing a skirt on Saturday wouldn't be a bad thing. Hopefully Victor would be there and if he wasn't, I always had Jade. At least I would be surrounded by two people who didn't like Jackson the most. 

°•°•°

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading <3


	4. sonder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> theia goes with the group to halloween. she learns something about jade. victor learns of her addiction.

SONDER (n.): the realization that each passerby has a life as vivid and complex as your own 

°•°•°

  
Even in the privacy in my own home, the place I should feel safest at, I still felt exposed and naked.

I peered over to Jade with slight envy at how she looked visibly comfortable in her green skirt and long stockings, her torso covered partially with the small halter top that gave the world a showing of her chest. Her outfit was similar to mine but instead of her arms being completely bare, hers were dressed with a black mesh shirt that allowed her tattoos to peak through. Jade's short dark hair was perfect for her character, only having to add some temporary green streaks on the tips. She looked relaxed and normal in her stature.

_Maybe I could pretend I'm her for a night just to act normal._

Mine on the other hand wasn't: it was brown and curly, nothing like Bubble's platinum blonde pigtails. I couldn't bring myself to actually make my own neat and Jade took to doing them herself, telling me it would be more appropriate to have them more towards the nape of my neck than the top of my head. This plaid skirt was only making me look like a sexy school girl rather than a badass chick with powers.

It was strange having Jade in my apartment, her being the first one in the circle to actually come inside and want to stay. She called around six and I accepted her offer at help with my costume, preferring her company over Alissa who dropped off a pair of heels right before Jade arrived. Jade laughed at the expensive shoes, shaking her head and suggesting to wear my boots instead for the eventful evening. She wasn't a stranger to my experiences with heels. Every time I would attempt to wear them I would always stumble or risk a broken ankle. On my sober days it was a cakewalk but on my intoxicated ones it was an utter challenge even with the careful steps I managed.

Besides, if I broke them I would most likely have to buy them and my paychecks couldn't support her taste.

Hours passed too quickly for my liking and my nerves only made me want to toss up my dinner. The reflection that stared back at me wasn't familiar.

_Too much skin. Too much cleavage. Too much legs. Too much eye-candy for people to stare at._

"Feeling alright?" Jade muttered next to me, leaning closer to the mirror as she focused on getting her eyeliner straight.

My eyes couldn't peel away from the tightness of the shirt, every curve being accented in every way I didn't want them to. The gap between my skirt and my high socks welcomed me with cold air that made my palms sweat.

_I missed my pants, my trench coat, my hoodies, my long sleeves, my boyish shorts_ _-_

I nodded, shaking off my worry and ignored my image as I grabbed some purple eye makeup. "Y-yeah, of course."

_Stop shaking your hands!_

Jade must've missed my words, stepping back and admiring her work with a beam. She turns to face me, doing a spin around. It was then I noticed how light these skirts were and how easily they could get blown up by the smallest breeze that passed us. I made a mental note to keep my arms to my sides at all time.

"What do you think, Bubbles?"

I swallowed, nodding in approval. "I really like it." I admitted honestly, finding her more adorable than lustful like Alissa wanted us to be.

"You've been really quiet. Is it the spooks getting to you?" She jokes, slapping my arm lightly. I chuckled, flexing my tendons to stiffen my hand as I began to apply the makeup to my lid.

"I'm just not feeling this costume... I'm sure I'll be fine once I get some drinks in me." I assured quietly, more to myself than to Jade.

Jade eyed my fidgety motions, reaching out and latching onto my wrist to halt the brush from closing in on my skin. I turn to her, arching a brow in confusion.

"Theia, is this your... anxiety or is there something really wrong?" She asked softly, sincerely. The serious glint in her hazel eyes made me grow cautious and I gently pull away from her grasp. I didn't need her reading my true thoughts and pressing for questions.

"Yeah, definitely."

Jade doesn't look convinced but doesn't look like she wants to tread further, nodding.

"Can I do your makeup?"

Internally I sighed a breath of relief, giving her the brush as I slumped against the counter.

"I'll probably mess it up anyway, you know how Alissa notices the small details," I scoffed, relaxing my face as she drew close. My eyes closed and I tried to distract myself from the ticklish bristles pecking my flesh. "I'm surprised you didn't put up a fight with this costume idea."

"I like participating in these kinds of things, honestly. Makes us feel more like family," I hear her say, finishing up and moving onto the next lid. "I don't think you need eyeliner...maybe in your waterline."

I chuckled. "I probably won't, it's a bitch to get out..." Her words finally processed in my head and I felt my eyebrows furrow. "Family? You see Alissa and Jackson as family?"

"Yeah, of course! I mean, we aren't perfect but families aren't perfect. Besides, you're really the only one who is close to being considered family..." Jade trails off as the case to the makeup closes shut, a snapping noise bringing my eyes open to stare at her dropped ones. There was a small smile hinted on her black painted lips, a look that wasn't familiar on her face. "I've been meaning to ask you something actually."

"Go on..." I urged quickly, my curiosity sprouting up.

"Well..." She shrugs like what she's about to say is nothing, turning her attention to cleaning up the countertop rather than the topic. "I think...I'm gonna start going to AA-"

"Alcoholic Anonymous?" I asked. Even if the answer was obvious, my mind was too shocked by Jade's truthful honesty.

Jade never talked about wanting to get her addiction with drinking better nor had she ever joked around stuff this serious. Even if she wasn't, a little part of my wanted her to. I wasn't the best with non-joking topics and I didn't want to come off as rude or uncaring.

_That's selfish, don't act that way._

"Yeah. I mean I know I'm a drug user but it's not as bad as my alcoholism," Jade dismisses. My face was straight as I began to pounder where her wish for sobriety came from.

_And why she was asking me_ _for support_ _. If anything I was a horrible influence even if I wouldn't push liquor in her face._

_Addictions were still addictions, even if they were slightly different. Still unhealthy._

But I didn't know Jade well enough to know how bad she really was with her problems, and she must've been at her breaking point to see the light at the end of the tunnel. My tunnel was engulfed with darkness and I saw no reason to stop at the road I was going down.

"You will come, won't you?" She questions hesitantly, a hurt tone in her voice at my long silence.

I shake away my stiff behavior, grinning widely. "Of course I will, as long as you won't make me get up and state my problems."

Jade snickers, sighing a deep breathe as I notice her shoulders dropped. "No no! I just...I really want to get better and... I just know you'll be more supportive than Alissa or Jackson. You wouldn't judge me or think I'm trying to put myself on some sort of platform to brag or think of myself better than you guys-"

"I understand." I smiled, pushing myself up to stand and placing my hand on her shoulder in a comforting manner.

Jade's phone vibrates on the counter and draws our gaze to it. Her face lifts while mine falls once again, knowing what time it was: Alissa and Jackson were here. My arms hug my torso as Jade shuffles her phone into her purse, giving herself one more check over in the mirror with a sharp nod of admiration at work.

"It's cold, are you gonna bring a jacket?" I asked nonchalantly, stepping away in direction of my room. "You could always borrow one of mine-"

"Yeah! Hurry up!"

_What made her change?_ I wondered as I grabbed my zip-up, getting the thicker one for Jade to assure she was more warm than I was.

_Is it Alissa? Does she want to leave the group?_

I darted into the living room to see Jade close to the door with a bright excited grin, holding out the sweatshirt to her while folding mine over my arm. Alissa might be mad that I choose to cover myself up so quickly and I needed to comply with her tonight.

_I couldn't imagine being stuck in a group with Alissa and Jackson..._

_Did a doctor tell her she needed to stop? Liver damage?_

Once the door shuts behind me my nausea returns and hands become moist as I carefully locked my janky door. I wanted to take my time but I could sense Jade's anxious aura to see our friends and I wasn't one to piss people off when I was sober.

I notice she's not looking worried or even the slightest bit shy in her costume like myself, who held the sweatshirt close to my waist like Jade to feel its soft material on my bare skin as we walked down the steps to the front entrance. Jade was far faster than me and I had to hurry to keep up with her.

"Hmph, pretty warm for a Halloween night in Gotham!" Jade informs loudly as the chilly air blew past us, the door swinging open to reveal Alissa's bored expression and Jackson's distant stance, his hands in his pockets casually.

Alissa pokes her head up and once I am fully outside, I take in her costume: Jade was right, hers was far worse in the aspect of "sexy". Tight, tighter than ours; a latex red dress carved out her figure and I smirked at the nylons and heels. Alissa even wore the high ponytail with a large bow on top of her head.   
Her eyes light up at the sight of us, gushing and bringing her hands up to fold as she admired our outfits.

"Oh, look at us!" She squeaked in a high pitched tone that brought a wince to Jackson's face. Alissa glanced between Jade and I, looking rather pleased and even happy at my effort. "Theia, you look so cute! Doesn't she look cute, Jackson?"

Jackson gives a quick glance, shrugging with a small smile that looked forced in every way. It was awkward and unnaturally characteristic, something he didn't do whenever he his eyes laid on me. I was dressed in something that gave him every opportunity to tease about, probably egging on a fantasy in his head, but now he barely looked my way.

_Something isn't right. I mean, I'm not complaining but something is definitely off..._

"Cmon! Let's stop wasting our fucking time on this street, you're gonna wake the elderly with your screaming!" Jade billowed with an eye roll, linking arms with Alissa and practically dragging her in direction of our destination.

Jackson and I were left behind but small talk wasn't made and I found his strange unusual behavior utterly puzzling as I watched him carefully. He would always say something witty or gawk in the obvious settings but now he was quiet and kept to himself, walking a step in front of me rather than taking an opportunity of keeping in step with me.

_I would say this is amusing but it's starting to freak me out..._

_Well, it's Halloween. It wasn't like the night hasn't been unusual with Jade's sudden urge and Alissa's easily pleased attitude._

_Maybe he didn't like Halloween as much as I thought..._

I noted his regular clothing, no face paint or even a headband with silly devil horns on it.

_The last thing I need is a "detective" manic episode on Jackson's life to which I couldn't give two shits about. Just...focus on the sidewalk._

But I couldn't, no matter how hard I tried to count my steps or pinpoint the tiny crevices in the cement. Surely it rained earlier but that wasn't nothing but normal in Gotham.

What wasn't usual was the tension between us all even if everything seemed perfectly fine. A banana can look perfectly fine until you peel away and notice bruises on it.

_Everyone has bruises but what are Jackson's from?_

_Stop_ _!_

Like the last time, Oswald's was fairly busy with a line outside the door. The music seemed even louder this time and I wondered if I didn't pay attention enough to my surroundings from the drugs that night. At least the crowd was more interesting, almost everyone in the spirit of the holiday and dressing up as their desired characters. I almost giggled when I saw a more appealing version of Carrie from Stephan King.

Danny greeted Alissa all the same but this time reframing from talking as much with us around, nodding for us to enter while Alissa stayed behind, twirling her hair around her finger as if Danny were that lock of curl. Jackson flew in quickly, making Jade send me a questionable brow as she pulled away from Alissa and followed after him.

Soon the crowds chatter was replaced by loud music that was definitely too noisy, making my head throb along with the flashing lights contrasting with the darkness of the room. There was decorations all around and it seemed Mr.Cobblepot was a big fan of the holiday to even put a fog machine someplace that made everything hazy. Surely everyone was on something or about to be on something and I for once felt out of place even if everyone was dressed up. I felt like the center of attention even though no one was looking my way. Jade must of felt somewhat the same, looking reluctant on making her next decision without Alissa glued to her hip.

"Where did Jackson go?!" Jade shouted over the music, scanning the area for the dark haired boy. I shrugged, not making an attempt to find him through the colorful patrons.

"I'm not sure..." I trailed off, my voice too quiet to reach Jade's ears. My eyes locked with the bar area, like before it was almost deserted. "Wanna go by the bar?"

When Jade gazed back at me, I noticed the way her face scrunched up with mixed emotions of sadness and caution. I must of forgotten her words from earlier too quickly and instantly felt horrible for potentially sparking up an idea that shouldn't of been on her brain.

I shook my head frantically to dismiss the obvious request. "I-I mean, I'm just thirsty and I wanted some water or something..."

Jade nodded sharply before walking over to the bar with me close on her heels. I recognized the bartender from before and he smiled as we took our seats, dashing over.

"Can we just get two waters with a lime slice?" Jade said, reaching into her purse to grab some money. The bartender gave us an unreadable face that changed when he saw the bills she slid across the counter.

"Of course!"

_I wasn't in the mood for alcohol anyway. It might loosen me up but too lose meant the potential for danger. I'd rather be cautious and on edge._

_Especially if Jackson wasn't anywhere to be found. He might pull a Michael Myers and sneak up on me._

"So, where's your friend?" Jade leaned over to whisper, humor dripping from her tone as the bartender got our order ready.

I cocked a brow, turning to face her. "What?"

"Victor. I thought you guys were friends?"

I laughed, waving her off dismissively. The bartender set our glasses down, both us of sending him a thankful grin as he staggered away.

Before I could open my mouth to respond, someone sounding close behind us and we turned to expect Jackson or Alissa, only to see a stranger with dirty blonde hair who was presumably dressed like a circus clown that lost half of its makeup in a horror movie. He shot us a charming smile and Jade frowned, furrowing her brows together and shaking her head in denial, seeming to already know what his intentions were without him voicing them.

"What are you lovely ladies doing alone?" He mused, traveling his sight over our bodies before looking at me in the face. This person must of ignored Jade's let down of his offer entirely and must of been confident enough to change our minds.

Jade snickered. "Oh, buddy...nice costume, it really says a lot about you."

I cupped my mouth to muffle the giggles that erupted from my throat as the man became offended about her snarky comment.

"I was just wondering-"

"Nope. Sorry dude. Now go off and entertain some other girl because I can assure you, my girlfriend isn't interested. Are you, babe?" Jade asked me, nudging my arm lightly with a cocky grin.

I shook my head and the man sighed deeply, rolling his eyes in annoyance as he left us, presumably mumbling something to himself. My hoodie was thrown around my body as I turned to face the bar once more, my nerves jolting as my anxiety seemed to pick up at the thought of more people trying to come over and ask us out. Jade found it amusing, smirking into her glass and watching the man as he disappeared into the dancing group of people. She made no attempt to put her sweatshirt on.

"That man was a lot bigger than you, don't you ever get scared?"

Jade stared at me, swallowing her sip as she rose her shoulders before dropping them. "Fuck no. I keep a few goodies in my purse, I'm destined to win whatever battle I'm in."

I glanced at her bag, curious about what Jade could be carrying that would surely land her in jail. The bag was too small for a gun but I was aware that guns could be tiny, concealed but deadly for a one on one conflict. There was definitely something sharp in there but I wasn't about to ask her to show me the goodies even if Oswald's was housed with people who had more on their record than both of us combined.

By the time Alissa was done doing god only knows, our glasses were finished and Jade's once bright demeanor started to turn less happy and more dull from her arrival. Alissa's hair was slightly rumpled and her lipstick looked replaced by her old one, newly put on but smudged from her unsteady hands. The gleam in her eyes lead me to believe she got her fix of lust for the night and that only meant she was on her next journey: coke. I wondered how Jade would react to this, wondering if she wanted to be completely sober or only from alcohol. Her face led me to believe she was considering going full throttle.

"Well, aren't you two the life of the party," Alissa teases before letting out a sigh, turning to Jade. "Go find us someplace...less crowded, will you?"

Jade listens, stepping away without another word. Alissa takes her place, shuffling in her bag. My stomach jumped and my mood seemed to get positive when I realized what time it was.

_Would it be appropriate to say trick or treat?_

"I can't say I'm not a little disappointed in your choice of shoes but you will be high and I wouldn't want you breaking your ankle," Alissa explains in a cheerful voice that didn't expose her true feelings towards my effort. Glancing around the room casually, she hastily stuffs something in my pocket and I could hear the pills rattle in the bottle when they dropped into my hoodie. "Have fun-" She goes to leave but comes to an abrupt stop when a sudden thought comes to her mind. "Wait, have you been noticing anything weird lately? I mean, your always quiet and that's predicable when you're sober but...what's up with Jade and Jackson?"

_Jade wasn't acting out of the ordinary, how did Alissa see through her act?_

_And Jackson... well I had no clue what he was on about._

_Alissa's nose surely can't be one of a bloodhound so smell that we weren't drinking..._

I shrugged. "Jade's boss pissed her off and I have no clue about Jackson. He ran off somewhere."

Alissa doesn't seem to care all too much and can't pinpoint my lie, smiling before strutting away to find Jade. I breathed out a breathe I was holding and felt around in my pocket to feel paper and plastic, a satisfied smile approaching onto my lips as I turned and waited patiently in solitude to decide what my next motive would be.

_I wonder where she got them, Alissa doesn't take Xannys and Oxies..._

_Eh, whatever. I'm happy, she's happy, I should just let it go before she decides to be a bitch and take them back._

_Is that why Jackson is so quiet? He found out about our deal and knows I don't want to talk to him personally?_

_Surely he can't be that butthurt-_

"And we meet again."

I flinched at the sudden intrusion of my thoughts, turning to face the man who was supposedly my friend from Jade's eyes: Victor Zsasz. He wore an amused smirk as he took in my image, small confusion flooding his face. I was only happy it was him and not the clown from before, even if Zsasz was a joke overall.

"Where are the other PowerPuff girls?" He asked and I widened my eyes at the correct guess of my costume. I noticed he wasn't in the spirit and wore a black suit, his blazer not present and his weapons openly shown over his dark dress shirt. He smelled the same and I must of been too busy in my thoughts to see him sit down. "I could've swore I just saw that redhead slip something into your pocket."

"I-I...condoms-"

Victor didn't look convinced but still wore a smirk. He saw through my lie and I knew it. I was never a good liar when it was something stupid. Those brown eyes saw right into my soul and read me like a book.

"You're gonna lie to someone who's acquainted with a well-known liar?" He tuts and I shiver, drawing my arms around my torso. "And I don't see the lucky fellow who you need to carry condoms for," Victor leans in close and I fight the urge to shift away as his cologne wafted into my nostrils.

_He smells really good..._

"And I'm the only man who's gotten this close. I hope those aren't for us, I'm always prepared."

I gasped, slapping him away as he winked. My brows knitted as I clenched my fist in my pocket to try and ground my sudden angered behavior. At least it was sarcasm and not a full-hearted flirtation.

"You just admitted to being a stalker." I say and he doesn't make any move to prove me wrong. "You wouldn't of seen anything if you hadn't been watching me."

"No, I'm just a fan. But I take it you're not flattered?"

"Funny." I mumbled dryly, rolling my eyes and ignoring the hitman as I take out Alissa's end of the bargain, counting the money. "If you're such a big fan, than you should know I have a hobby-"

"Illegal drugs? Yeah, I could tell. But hey, everyone has quirks-"

"Killing people for pay is a quirk?" I cut him off feeling more confident with my jab that made his lip straighten into a blank fixture. I shoved the money back into my pocket."You're in no right to judge," I eyed him, twisting the cap off before popping a pill into my mouth, swallowing it without any help of liquid. He watched me carefully, remaining silent. "Everyone has hobbies."

"I wasn't judging. Why so quick to defend yourself?" Victor shot back, his eyes training to something over my shoulder. His orbs flashed with irritation as I saw his jaw clench. "Your friend is approaching."

"Theia." My name was heard before I could ask which friend was inching towards me. Should of took a wild guess at the way Victor became more aggravated.

Victor stared back at me and he must've felt the fear that had stricken me instantly at the sound of Jackson's voice over my shoulder. I blinked away anything that may have shown my weakness and turned to face Jackson with a forced smiled. His face was neutral, his blue eyes peering into mine and his body too close to my own.

"What?"

He glanced at Victor before speaking up. "Word with you outside?"

_Shit_

"Y-yeah..."

"Now." He ordered lowly and I gulped. "Alley outside."

_Victor, I know I may of came off as a bitch but for the love of god, please find kindness in your heart to follow me._ _I'm not trying to get another assault on my list._

_He seems like a guy who respects women, right? Killing is definitely better than rape, and it's all work, right?_

"Yeah...okay..." I nodded sheepishly, embarrassed by my way with words and how fast I was to allow myself to be ordered around by him.

Jackson didn't wait for me to stand up and walked away towards the door. I glanced back to Victor who seemed interested at the wall of liquor instead of our conversation.

"You're submissive." Victor taunted.

"Fuck off." I cursed under my breathe, my shaky hands grabbing the counter to steady myself.

A hand grasped my shoulder and I grimaced, tensing up at the touch of Victor who stopped me in my tracks.

"Don't follow him." He whispered a command that didn't sound too assertive but more of a monotonous plead, a warning of something he sensed.

I closed my eyes, shrugging his off of me. "Mind your own business."

_Please follow me._ _There's some things I can't stay out loud but please read between the lines._

"You're about to be high. Is it the best idea to go into a dark alley with him?"

"I said mind your own fucking business. We aren't acquainted and you have no right to order me around-"

"But he does?"

I stormed away before I regretted my decision of fighting against something that I didn't want to do. Victor was right but I couldn't tell him he was. I couldn't show him either, listening to Jackson instead of Victor who seemed more trusting than the man I knew longer. The man, who to my acknowledge, hadn't murdered anyone.

If Jackson was acting strange and wanted to have a private conversation with me, then I needed to pull a Jim Gordon and get some answers. Jade's suspicion fired up my own and something told me he knew we both knew something we weren't suppose to.

I needed answers.

°•°•°

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Please leave a kudo if you are enjoying, it is gladly appreciated


	7. boketto

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> theia has a chat with jackson.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys I’m so sorry about the long wait! I have been doing some school work but I do write one-shots and I am thinking about posting some! Also the editing might be bad, my editor was unable to read this chapter. Thank you for reading!

BOKETTO jap. (v): the act of gazing vacantly into the distance without a thought

°•°•°

_This is where my movie begins to turn into a thriller._

_Soon-to-be intoxicated girl follows her rapist down a dark and secluded alley on Halloween night._

I half expected Victor Zsasz to come follow after me but I had made it clear as day I wasn't looking for our acquaintance to become more than just two people who cross paths. If I was lying, I would of felt fine with walking into the cold air and towards the location that Jackson had wanted to meet me in that was hidden from civilians. But I wasn't, there was a small part of me that should of been there: fear. My legs were starting to seem wobbly like an unbalanced table and the breeze wasn't helping my case, making me shiver whenever the wind bit the bare skin on my thighs. I pulled my hood over my head and hugged my torso as I dashed past the crowd who gave me no show of attention.

When I approached the opening of the narrow alley, I soon realized how much of an abyss it truly was. Jackson hadn't been too far in, his face lit by the orange glow of his cigarette. I couldn't catch his eyes but there wasn't a possibility where he hadn't seen my figure from the sidewalk and I knew it was too late to turn back and convince Jade to walk me home.

Maybe if I ran quick enough I could catch a Victor and ask him to accompany me on my walk.

_No...I wanted to do this, I am doing it._

As I staggered down the alley, my brain started to feel fuzzy and made it seem as if I were walking a mile before I stood in front of the man of the hour, who took a long drag of his cigarette before blowing out the tobacco coated exhale. It welcomed me with its harsh scent and filled my nostrils with its smell mixed with his reeking cologne that made me miss Victors. The overhead light to my left casted it's shine on half of his face, letting me stare at him as his eyes racked down my physique looking amused.

My fingers started tingling. I needed to make this quick.

"Nice costume. It looks good on you," Jackson chuckled as he peered at me, backing against the wall cooly. "I don't think your friend likes me."

I rolled my eyes as I scoffed. "He's not my friend. More of an annoyance."

Jackson was quiet for a moment, the smoke from his cigarette flowing with the wind. I studied him but found no anger or any emotion that could lead me to believe I was in a tight situation.

"Does he scare you?"

I shrugged, glancing up to the sky before looking back to him.

"Not really." I admitted honestly.

Jackson nodded, taking another puff as he thought to himself.

I wondered what he was thinking and started to become uneasy at the unspoken words but the readable expressions: confusion with tiny hints of irritation.

"It seems you aren't scared of anyone," He said with a snicker. I began to think he might be tipsy with the way his words sounding humorous but his face was still. "Guys like that, ya know."

"Being afraid of them?"

_Well, of course. Dominance powers men over women, that's what boosts some men's egos._

"Yep. And that's why I wanted to talk to you," He flicked the ash from his cigarette and I watched as the tiny pieces of grey flew away from our growing tension. I could feel my heart beating out of my chest as my body started to feel far away from me, far away from my mind to control it. Too far to be standing this close to someone who held too much power over me. "I don't think I scare you enough."

I let out a shaky laugh as I let my arms fall and collected my hands in my pockets to let my stance become natural.

"What? You scare me. Hell, Victor does too at times." I added a laugh to make it sound believable towards the part around Victor. Jackson scared me but that cocky hitman did not and that was the truth.

Jackson pushed himself off the bricking and inched closer to me hastily. Panic rose and I backed away quickly, my back colliding with the hard stone and watching him as his features turned dark. He made no effort to put his hands on me but he was close enough for our chests to be mere inches away and I felt his warmth mixed with mine. The blue eyes I was able to see clearly now were hard and glinted with anger.

"I don't think your scared enough and that's a problem," Jackson whispered on my lips and I reframed from craning my neck to find some distance between us. His breathe caressed my face and I feared he would try and kiss me if he got any closer. "And I can't have problems, not when you like to tell lies."

"I-I don't know what you're talking about," I managed to say as I swallowed my mousey voice. "I never told anyone what happened between us-"

He sticks up a finger to silence me and I focus on the cigarette instead of his glare. My words clog my throat and I drew the insides of my cheeks between my jaw to stop from talking.

"Do you think I'm stupid?"

Silence. I was too afraid to answer honestly and too afraid to spark up another lie that would only give itself away easily.

Jackson suddenly hit the hall close to my ear roughly and I flinched, wincing as I balled my hands up. My eyes squeezed shut as I felt his forearm across my chest, holding me down to the wall and chaining me to this torture. The pill I took earlier was beginning to kick in harder and I cursed myself for fucking up my motto of "no drugs and clubs".

"Answer me, Theia." He ordered calmly, too unbothered by my disobedience.

"N-no...no I don't think you're stupid..."

His hold got stronger and a pain started to grow on my collarbone. I didn't dare open my eyes to face the horror in front of me and preferred to stay in the blissful blackness of my lids until the storm was over.

"Wanna know what I think? I think you told that hitman something in hopes of protection from me," Jackson growled softly, and I heard the drag of the cigarette before he continued. "And I think you told something to Jade. Doesn't she seem different?" The smoke came from his lips, feathering my face.

"No I didn't! I promise!"

That was the truth, right? Jade had her own suspicions, I only tried to lead her away. Victor just thought he was a scumbag.

And there was that still silence again and for a second I could hear other things other than our breathing; the club music still going full blast but was muffled from the walls, the crowds distant but fading chatter as I beckoned they let more people go in. When I finally peeled my eyes open, Jackson's eyes were still frightening and when he cupped his hand over my mouth, I struggled away but held questions to his unneeded gesture. I prayed my inquires would show through my gaze but he seemed to ignore them if they had.

His sweat was burned onto my lips and his hand smelled of alcohol. Jackson kept his stare as he took one final pull from the cigarette, chuckling to himself as he pressed the lit end against against my exposed collarbone unexpectedly, too fast for me to try and knock it out of his grasp.

Now I understood why my mouth needed a muzzle.

The only sound that filled my ears was my unsuccessful attempts to scream out my agony against the sizzling sensation on my delicate skin, my moves to claw at him were pointless when I had too much focus on my pain rather than my aggression and he knew this, laughing in my face as he held it in contact against me for as long as it would stay alight, twisting the thing to earn more pain-filled shrieks from me. I couldn't remember the last time I've been burned but I knew I never did it intentionally or was held down to feel it burn out on me. When the cigarette was surely out and nothing but a useless waste, he pitched it aside whilst still holding my mouth shut to silence my livid uproar that brought tears to my eyes.

"Now," He drew in closer again and my glare became more present with rage, the aftermath of the burn still lingering harshly on my flesh. "I want you to listen to me carefully, Theia. That was your warning, a final one. If you don't let all of this go, I'll have my buddies come and collect your sorry ass in a bag and I can PROMISE you..."

I became scared again when he raised his voice, the volume echoing off the walls that surrounded us. My struggling limbs became weak again and I stood and did as I was told, not wanting to end up dead by the hands of Jackson so soon.

"...whatever I've done to you..." Jackson's lips graced my ear and I shivered, a tear drop falling freely and landing on his hand as a trembled. "They will make it a lot worse," He whispered almost soundlessly. His other free hand came up and caressed my arm softly before abruptly squeezing it roughly earning a jump from me. "And if you send Falcone's dog after me, kitten, I'll make you watch me kill him. You don't want a death on your hands, do you?"

He released my mouth slowly and my lips dried from the air that welcomed them once more. I glued my eyes to the dark cement behind him, nodding frantically.

"I'm glad you understand, Theia." Jackson slid his hand down my arm, bringing the back of my hand to meet his lips as he placed a kiss.

I felt numb, barely feeling the wetness of his lips against my skin.

"You should go home, you look tired," Jackson informed, his voice changing back to normal as he backed away like nothing happened. "Think about me, kitten."

Jackson began to walk away, humming a song to himself as if it were a victory psalm.

_Everyone knows too much... dangerous people...people find family..._

My throat felt clogged as it became harder to breathe and I realized I was in too deep to pull myself out of a panic attack that was beginning to form. The pill had kicked in and I wasn't having the time of my life but rather living in hell, my mind running haywire as I thought about my sister and my mother who seemed safe in California and far away from my mess.

_Anything's possible...I told the truth and he doesn't believe it...what else is there to do?_

The pain from my burn no longer bothered me as I was preoccupied on the walls between me that seemed to be closing in on me like my windpipe.

_What would I do without them?_

_Breathe._

_I can't... I told the truth... I have nothing but something that cannot get me out of the mess I'm in!_

_Breathe!_

_I CANT!_

I cried the hardest I've had in awhile and I no longer felt myself in the grimy alley next to Oswald's. My brain was somewhere else, somewhere that wanted my body to go, somewhere that was darker than my reality.

_Inhale...exhale... exhale..._

_No...doesn't seem right..._

My hands clasped my neck loosely as I couldn't contain the sobs from growing stronger. The bricks weren't countable, the cracks were underneath my soles, and my breathing exercises weren't working. All I could manage was the tiny amounts of oxygen my mind allowed me to take in even if it was all around me.

_I have no escape._

I wanted to go home but my head felt light and my legs felt as if the nerves were reattached and broken.

_If you would of never taken drugs you wouldn't be involved in this!_

_Do you even think of the others around you? Or do you just think about yourself?_

_How would dad react to this show you up on? Do you think he's still watching from above?_

"S-shut...up..." I cried out softly to myself, massaging my temple.

_Take another one, see how much it will help..._

_Maybe a random civilian will find you instead of your sister... remember that?_

"Shut up..." I breathed out, resting my head against the bricks as I stared at the sky through my blurry vision. My head felt buried inside of a box that had no lid and I was forced to suffer until I found the strength to pull myself free.

"Talking to yourself?"

I mustn't of heard Victor's footsteps approaching as my breathing filled my ears and my eyes were trained on nothing in particular on the stars above. His voice sounded humorous, seeming to not know how bad of a state I was in.

"G-go...a-away!" I exhaled sharply and Victor chuckled, assuming I was talking to myself. "I-I don't...want to s-see you...right now."

"Bad high?"

I said nothing, pushing myself from the wall. My legs buckled but I caught myself before I crumbled to the cement and in the moment, the world looked to have spun rapidly and twisted in every way that wasn't right. The dizziness bombarded me and I slumped against the brick once again with a hard knocks recollect my mind and fix my sight.

"Theia..." Victor began blankly, the gravel shifting under his boot as he stepped closer. My neck snapped in his direction and I backed away, looking at his fuzzy image with fear.

"Get away...from me..."

"Theia, why are you breathing so heavily?" He asked, standing closer to me. His eyes searched my frame, looking for answers, and he stopped on my collarbone with an arched brow. "Did Jackson burn you?"

I shook my head, remembering the threat from Jackson and cowering away as he reached out to touch the burnt skin. He glanced into my widened eyes and halted, seeing how distressed I was.

"Hey, just calm down..." Victor said quietly in a softer tone than the last. He placed his hands on my shoulders and I instantly tried to shrug them off lazily, letting out another round of cries mixed with shuddered breaths.

"No-"

"Theia, look at me-"

"N-no, please...get off of me!" I shouted, slapping and hitting on his chest. He reminded unharmed and didn't move from his stance to give me the distance I wanted.

"I can't help you if you won't calm down," He explained, shaking me lightly. "Just relax...talk to me."

_But that's the thing, he can't help me. No one can, not even the police. I can't even help myself._

_I miss when things weren't so fucking complicated! I miss when things didn't corner me in every situation!_

"Theia," Victor said my name again and I realized I must of zoned out and became dead silent. I gazed at him numbly, feeling nothing but exhaustion. "What happened?"

I peeled my eyes from his to briefly glance at his guns before returning mine to his. Jackson's voice pounded against my skull and throbbed against the bones in my head as I reminded myself of the oath I had for my life.

"I...I just want to go home..." I explained, catching my breath.Victor listened, bringing a hand up and cupping my cheek. My body was too powerless to flinch and I felt his warm thumb stroke my skin as a tear fall down. "Can you...walk me home, Victor?"

Victor smiled, trying to bring down the situation. "Of course."

I was surprised when Victor held his arm out for me to hold but I was even in more disbelief when I found myself grabbing onto it without any hesitation. My head was aching when I steadied myself with help of Victor and I squeezed his arm tightly, leaning on him as if he were myself and I was Jade on a drunken night.

"Are they...still in there?" I nodded towards the club and my voice shook when Jackson's face flashed through my mind. If he were to see me right now it could cause even more trouble and I wasn't sure how much more conflict I could handle tonight.

Victor walked slowly as he guided me with his steps. "Last I checked. I only came out here when you didn't return with Jackson."

It was quiet between us for awhile and I felt my lids close as I rested against him, his cologne reminding me I was safe to an extent. He was more harmless than Jackson and at this point, I needed to latch onto something to keep myself in this mindset and stay there until I was in the privacy of my own home.

"So...what's the story?" Victor asked casually.

"Hmm...what story?"

I felt his shrug as we took a turn onto the street.

"Well, there's a lot of stories you could tell. Tell me one about yourself."

I thought for a moment before sighing deeply, the cold breeze bringing a chill down my spine and making me shiver against him as I hugged his arm. He didn't seem effected by this or even remotely awkward, remaining calm as we continued on our path with me in such close proximity. I felt a sense of trust in him suddenly and I wasn't sure if it was because he was the designated driver and I was the intoxicated passenger or because I was starting to realized he never caused me harm even if he easily could. His gun was close to my hand and whenever my knuckles feathered the cold metal I didn't freak out as I probably would if I were sober.

He seems like a gentlemen, walking me home and all. Even faking a nice act to accommodate my panicked one.

"My life is boring..." I lied with a snicker. "Tell me about your job."

"It's an easy job, nothing to hate. I've been with Falcone for...roughly five years now."

"So you like your job? Killing people?"

He must've nodded. "Yep. I keep count for every kill."

"Really? How many?"

"Twenty eight, but I'm thinking about adding one more to soothe my head," He answered tightly and I easily picked up on his hint towards Jackson, lifting my head up to meet his stare. Victor looked serious and I began to worry again, shaking my head lightly with a smile to dismiss his idea. "Don't shake your head. It would make both of our lives easier."

"How so? He hasn't crossed you."

"It's personal," Victor replied as we came to a stop. This confirmed my suspicion about him following me the other night as I realized I never told him where I lived or what building it was. And here we stood right in front of my home. "But I'm professional, I'll only...intimate him, give him a little scare."

"No."

"Who says you can stop me?" He mused back with a sly smirk. My frown stayed planted on my lips as I peered at his jester expression.

"I'm serious...don't. Just...stay out of it," I urged and Victor mocked a saddened feature but soon turned back to his blank one. "Jackson is harmless-"

"Let me ask you something," He cut me off as he stepped closer, his frame towering over me. He reached out and touched the inflamed skin around the burn and I was frozen in my stance as his warm fingertips brushed against my skin. His darkened eyes bore into mine, not breaking eye contact as if he were searching for something and finding the answer within me. "Why are you scared of him but not me?"

"I-I don't k-know..." I trailed off and drew a breath in as he touched a tender spot that made me grimace.

"One day your gonna tell me why..." He whispered, bringing his hand up to trace the line of my jaw. "And I think you know what I'll do when I learn what he did."

"We don't know each other." I blurted out with a shaky laugh as he drew his hand away from my face.

"You don't want to become friends? I think you're quite the character," He chuckled. "And I promise I'd never hurt you."

"You're a hitman."

"And you're a druggie. Don't we make quite a pair?" Victor joked and I found myself laughingat that. "And if it helps, I never break my promises."

"You know what?" I nudged his shoulder gently. "You've just upgraded from stranger to acquaintance. Congratulations."

He smiles and it seems genuine and I find myself questioning if I should establish that what I said was sarcasm. But with his reaction I find myself wondering if I want it to be just a funny jab.

"I'll tell you what," He challenges back as he starts to grin, reaching into his back pocket to reveal a slip of paper held between two fingers. "I'm gonna give you my number."

My brow arches as he hold it out, waiting for me to take it.

"Why do you have your number on a piece of paper handy?"

He shrugs, seeing that I make no motion to take it and stuffing it into my pocket himself.

"Don't ask questions," Victor waves off my prying question. "Call it when you need to-"

"But I never will." I smiled lazily. Victor only smirked, winking before stepping away to continue back to the club I presumed.

"I'm free to just hangout, ya know. That offer is still on the table but that isn't why I gave you my number." He calls out over his shoulder as I watched his back. "Clean that burn out before you pass out, Theia!"

"Our definitions of hanging out are different!"

"Maybe! But remember, peroxide not alcohol or you'll wake up your building!"

I crossed my arms and I sighed. "Don't accidentally murder someone on your way home!"

It was hard to collect my thoughts from the night as I slugged up the stairs to the front door, throwing the broken-locked thing behind me and hearing it slam shut with help of the winds that were picking up.

_First things first: who was Jackson working for?_

_Stay out of it!_

But I began to ask myself why I should when I wasn't in a position to really forget about his warning. If I stayed silent, there was still the curiosity, but if I asked myself questions I could maybe snoop around and put pieces of the puzzle together without Jackson's help. Making sense of his fear for Victor and my outing of his image would answer some questions.

"Jackson was probably mad about the drugs Alissa asked for... she doesn't take what I take." I said to myself quietly as I pushed myself up another flight of stairs. The high wasn't as bad as before and I did have to give credit where it was needed: I probably wouldn't of calmed down that soon without the help of Victor.

_Charming but a hitman._

"Right..." I reminded myself as I began to shuffle for my keys in the darkness of the hall. "This fucking building is falling apart minute by minute!"

_Back to the topic: Jackson._

_Something I shouldn't be investigating in._

"Dangerous people...The Dons of the city...Falcone," I successfully found the keys and fiddled them into the lock, struggling to get the lock to open. "Need a new lock...but Falcone and..."

_Who was that other guy again?_

"Maroni." I concluded as I got the door to open without kicking it through in a fit of tiredness and need for sleep. My keys fell to the floor and I absentmindedly closed the door behind me without thinking about locking it. "Mobs own businesses and perhaps the drug cartel...dealers are connected...does Falcone have any on his payroll?"

_Well of course...but wouldn't hurt to ask for some names..._

"No." I stopped myself from pulling out of slip of paper with the digits I didn't need nor want. Victor would become suspicious and I'm sure he wouldn't be so kind to think this was something innocent. Putting thoughts of revenge into his head wasn't going to get me anywhere but prison perhaps.

_Jade must know something- MY HOODIE!_

"Eh...whatever," I chuckled to myself as I kicked off my boots and pulled at the elastics in my hair, freeing them of these stupid pigtails that weren't as neat as they were a few hours before. "If Jade knows something it's best to not ask...don't need her knowing I'm in deep."

_Deep enough to get me killed...deep enough to grab at straws to pull myself out..._

_Jackson works for someone dangerous: Falcone or Maroni are the suspects...maybe Fish if she were somehow alive...couldn't imagine that._

"Maybe my cards will play out...War might break out soon over something silly like always...Jackson could possibly get killed," I breathed out as I dashed for my bedroom, pulling off clothes as whilst I walked. It felt nice to be out of that act and in the normalcy of my undergarments. "But what if he was fibbing...getting me to become scared to get me to shut up..."

_Now is not the time to see if you're on Punk'd._

Let's think this through. If Jackson goes as far as to burn me into an oath of silence because I'm suddenly chatting to Gotham's best hitman, why does this anger him? That wasn't the first time Jackson forced my mouth shut about our little entanglement, why bring it up again when I'm friends with Victor? I've have countless of opportunities to run to GCPD and report his pastimes...did Jackson truly think I was trying to use Victor as some sort of security blanket?

_Well...he did say it himself..._

My fingers poked the burn mark softly as I pulled back the sheets and slumped into the mattress, finding myself too tired to properly clean it out like Victor told me to.I felt myself began to fall into a restless dream state as soon as my head met with the plush pillow, thinking over things I had no business in.

°•°•°

**Author's Note:**

> I would really appreciate if you guys could check out my other stories on Wattpad: theeyellowauthor. I will post the chapters more quickly on there if you want to read ahead :) excited to join the AO3 community.


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